people from somewhere i dont know

Dad 'lost it' in beating of boy, 13, say cops

Leaving the community, What does it take and what is at stake

The post on Shtreimal Blog about Footsteps reminded me some interesting stories i had a few years ago when i started leaving the community and the BS they try to make me believe.

It happened one shabbas on my way to SHUL with my father, and he asked me where i was thursday night, so i told him that i went to CHOLENT, guess what?the next day i get a phone call from a guy Moshe Yacov Silver that he wants to talk to me, when i told him that i don't meet people i don't know he said that he wants to help me get a job.

so i went to his house and for a few minutes we spoke about what kind of job i'm interested in, but then he changed the topic to my lifestyle. "i heard you went to a party in manhattan where they serve CHOLENTt?" when i asked what its his business he told me that he did some research and he found out that they put in CHAZIR in the CHOLENT only to be MACHSHIL young jewish kids to eat TRIFE, he was obviously confusing with Footsteps because he told me that the women who runs the place is ex-lubavitch which is the case with Footsteps not with CHOLENT (which is actually ran by a hassidic guy).

Then he started telling me that whoever leaves come back eventually, because they all go on drugs and they have a bitter life, and he told me a story about a kid who left and went to live in Los Angeles and one day he committed suicide because life was meaningless for him, all he did was drugs and sex and he was bitter, the story made me really emotional and it took me a few minutes to realize that he is using this story to brainwash me.

I never saw this guy again, when my father asked me if i wanna go to him again, i told him that if your not good enough to convince me don't try to use a backdoor by sending other people telling me one thing and meaning something completely different.

One of the most common tactics they use, is to mock you. statements like "you're young and stupid, don't worry, you'll grow up, VEST NOCH KIMEN TZIM SECHEL" or "what do you think? you're the smartest person? there were smarter people then you who asked all this questions and they got the right answers", the best one i ever heard was a story with REB CHAIM BRISKER, a kid told him that he has questions on religion, so he told him "you don't KASHYAS you have TIRUTZIM, you wanna justify whatever you're doing so you tell me that you have KASHYAS, you just wanna do whatever you want and don't come tell me that its because you question the existence of god".

Leaving the community comes with allot of difficulties, so why would people do it? isn't it more convenient to marry a girl at the age of 18 and get a job by B&H and then do whatever you want? if your good enough, you can convince your wife very easily in your believes, and i know people who did it. so why would people cut contact with their family, go out and face all this struggles. After all, as a CHUSID you don't have to pay taxes, you can make a descent living getting paid "off the books".

They will tell kids stuff like "you can do whatever you want with the FRUME LEVISH" or "why do you care to have a beard?" or "if you'll behave like a MENTCH you'll get a good SHIDUCH and you'll be able to have as much sex as you want". but this is not what we want to hear, we wanna know that our parents love us unconditionally, we wanna know that our parents will accept us as we are. some parents learned to accept and love their children unconditionally, but some have a very long way to go.

I guess that there a certain price people are willing to pay for something called "Freedom", being your own person, without having anyone, including TATTE, MAMME, SHVER and SHVIGER telling you what to do. is it that much fun? probably not, but people still do it, so i guess its worth it for them.

They will always tell you"what's the success rate?" or "do you know anyone who left who had a successful life?" one time i mentioned someone who is happily married, has a kid, and has a successful career, he told me "what do you know? maybe his kid is sick, how do you know if he is really happily married?" when i told him that no ones life is perfect, he is like "its impossible for someone who leaves too have a successful life, god punishes all those who leave". 

Its pretty sad the denial they're living in, whatever concerns god, religion, heaven and hell we'll discuss another time. but what all this statements did to me was, it confirmed me what i believed before, ITS FULL OF CRAP.

Now, what does it mean to be successful, Jewish Philosopher might disagree with me, but i believe that the purpose for everything in life, including relationship, marriage, kids, money, career etc. is to be happy, so there is no point in being successful according to the criteria of Jewish Philosopher, which is being married for 10 years or more, having at-least  2 kids and making 50K annually or more, if you're not happy. i believe that Jewish philosopher is happy the live he lives, but allot of other people are not, and they're willing to give up their comfort zone for their freedom and happiness.

Why are they destined for failure?

Before we can get to such a question we have to assume that this is what's going to happen, and its inevitable. Yes, I'm talking about the downfall of the hassidic community.

There is several reasons why its going to happen and why its inevitable, Unless the hassidic community will make some real changes in the system, and by real changes i mean to change the fundamentals of the system.

There is no way possible that in today's times an Establishment should be able to keep themselves sheltered and separated from the mainstream/secular world, this was possible 50 years ago, maybe even 20 years ago when the Internet was still in the diapers, but not in 2008, and definitely not in 2030 when it looks like the community will be pretty much gone.

The RABBANIM and the MACHERS in the community are fighting the unbeatable, they try to ban the latest technology with little success, how can you possibly ban the Internet when some basic stuff can only be done thru the Internet, how can you possibly ban cellphones from young kids when the only public phones you can find in New York City mostly doesn't work.

If you go back even 5 years from now it was pretty hard for a teenage hassidic kid to have a email address, cellphone or any access to the INTERnational NETwork, and with the advanced technology you can be with a iPod, not even a cellphone, and access wherever you want. not everybody is interested to understand the meaning of life or at least what he/she wants to do with his/her life, they'll just go with the flow, but allot of kids are actually trying to get to the bottom of it, and when the community wont give them the answers they're looking for they'll get it-with the help of the latest technology-from wherever they can get it.

So we're coming back to point one, the system is trying to fight the latest technology. but the only way how you might have a shot is if you provide your kids with alternatives. Internet is a problem? OK, we're not going to ban it, we'll control it. Movies is a problem? instead of banning it, we'll control it, we'll face the problem and deal with it, not run away from it.

Believe it or not, In most cases where hassidic kids that go OFF THE DERECH it starts with a movie, there is other reasons, like girls for example, but this is a issue for itself which we're not going to deal with now. so if technology is the fault for your kids leaving then face it and deal with it, don't hide your head in the sand and say "I'm OK, i raise my kids to be FRUM AND ERLICH, what can i do that i was punished with TZAR GIDUL BUNIM?......"

But its going to take a lifetime of practice in order for them to be able to make the needed changes, which it might be to late by then, not to mention that this is probably the the hardest thing to ask them, it contradicts the basics and the fundamentals of the system which is CHUDOSH USSER MIN HATORAH.

I just cant see it happening, i hardly believe that these changes will ever take place, what will happen is that more and More kids will leave and its going to be just like in Europe before the Holocaust, where the secular YIDDISH culture overpowered the Hasidim and the hassidic community shrinkd to a minimum.

They got some boost after the holocaust when people were shattered and some people turned to hassidic rabbis for encouragement, but these times are over and the young generation is not interested in all this crap anymore, and if they wont change themselves their kids will change them, but when it will get to that point there will probably be no way back, the damage will be done.

Leaving the Fold

This trailer of the Documentary "Leaving the Fold" is the story of 2 ex-hassidic boys from Montreal a girl from Brooklyn and a boy and a girl from Israel who left their community and the struggles they're facing.

The Documentary is very inspiring, it presents the point of view of the kids who left and the parents/family/community.