Leaving the community, What does it take and what is at stake

The post on Shtreimal Blog about Footsteps reminded me some interesting stories i had a few years ago when i started leaving the community and the BS they try to make me believe.

It happened one shabbas on my way to SHUL with my father, and he asked me where i was thursday night, so i told him that i went to CHOLENT, guess what?the next day i get a phone call from a guy Moshe Yacov Silver that he wants to talk to me, when i told him that i don't meet people i don't know he said that he wants to help me get a job.

so i went to his house and for a few minutes we spoke about what kind of job i'm interested in, but then he changed the topic to my lifestyle. "i heard you went to a party in manhattan where they serve CHOLENTt?" when i asked what its his business he told me that he did some research and he found out that they put in CHAZIR in the CHOLENT only to be MACHSHIL young jewish kids to eat TRIFE, he was obviously confusing with Footsteps because he told me that the women who runs the place is ex-lubavitch which is the case with Footsteps not with CHOLENT (which is actually ran by a hassidic guy).

Then he started telling me that whoever leaves come back eventually, because they all go on drugs and they have a bitter life, and he told me a story about a kid who left and went to live in Los Angeles and one day he committed suicide because life was meaningless for him, all he did was drugs and sex and he was bitter, the story made me really emotional and it took me a few minutes to realize that he is using this story to brainwash me.

I never saw this guy again, when my father asked me if i wanna go to him again, i told him that if your not good enough to convince me don't try to use a backdoor by sending other people telling me one thing and meaning something completely different.

One of the most common tactics they use, is to mock you. statements like "you're young and stupid, don't worry, you'll grow up, VEST NOCH KIMEN TZIM SECHEL" or "what do you think? you're the smartest person? there were smarter people then you who asked all this questions and they got the right answers", the best one i ever heard was a story with REB CHAIM BRISKER, a kid told him that he has questions on religion, so he told him "you don't KASHYAS you have TIRUTZIM, you wanna justify whatever you're doing so you tell me that you have KASHYAS, you just wanna do whatever you want and don't come tell me that its because you question the existence of god".

Leaving the community comes with allot of difficulties, so why would people do it? isn't it more convenient to marry a girl at the age of 18 and get a job by B&H and then do whatever you want? if your good enough, you can convince your wife very easily in your believes, and i know people who did it. so why would people cut contact with their family, go out and face all this struggles. After all, as a CHUSID you don't have to pay taxes, you can make a descent living getting paid "off the books".

They will tell kids stuff like "you can do whatever you want with the FRUME LEVISH" or "why do you care to have a beard?" or "if you'll behave like a MENTCH you'll get a good SHIDUCH and you'll be able to have as much sex as you want". but this is not what we want to hear, we wanna know that our parents love us unconditionally, we wanna know that our parents will accept us as we are. some parents learned to accept and love their children unconditionally, but some have a very long way to go.

I guess that there a certain price people are willing to pay for something called "Freedom", being your own person, without having anyone, including TATTE, MAMME, SHVER and SHVIGER telling you what to do. is it that much fun? probably not, but people still do it, so i guess its worth it for them.

They will always tell you"what's the success rate?" or "do you know anyone who left who had a successful life?" one time i mentioned someone who is happily married, has a kid, and has a successful career, he told me "what do you know? maybe his kid is sick, how do you know if he is really happily married?" when i told him that no ones life is perfect, he is like "its impossible for someone who leaves too have a successful life, god punishes all those who leave". 

Its pretty sad the denial they're living in, whatever concerns god, religion, heaven and hell we'll discuss another time. but what all this statements did to me was, it confirmed me what i believed before, ITS FULL OF CRAP.

Now, what does it mean to be successful, Jewish Philosopher might disagree with me, but i believe that the purpose for everything in life, including relationship, marriage, kids, money, career etc. is to be happy, so there is no point in being successful according to the criteria of Jewish Philosopher, which is being married for 10 years or more, having at-least  2 kids and making 50K annually or more, if you're not happy. i believe that Jewish philosopher is happy the live he lives, but allot of other people are not, and they're willing to give up their comfort zone for their freedom and happiness.